A Creative Mama’s Story

I promised you this post days ago, but I have been resisting putting my butt in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard to actually write it. So with grit and determination to follow through on promises and live with creative integrity, here goes…

In my earlier post, People-Pleasing: The Curse, I confessed to a lifelong struggle with my compulsion to make everyone “like” me. This is my curse. Before I get to the flipside of the curse, however, I would like to share with you the words of a very wise woman (to whom I am eternally grateful and will always love). These words were the wake-up call that shook me from the people-pleasing trance:

This is the “Rule of Thirds”

Whenever you walk into a room of people,
1/3 will think you are fantastic,
1/3 will dislike you no matter what,
And the other third won’t even know you are there.

Attribution Unknown (If you know, let me know.)

Onwards with the flipside. It is important to note, if you are a chronic people-pleaser like me, that people-pleasing can only be a blessing if you are aware that it is part of your operating system. When you are aware of it, it can become a blessing in the following ways:

It alerts you to your fears:
If I can catch myself in the midst of a people-pleasing moment and reign it in, I have the opportunity to ask myself, “What am I afraid of?” My people-pleasing is almost always fear based. Remember, it is a survival instinct. Asking “What am I afraid of?” is a fear busting act. Once you can identify the underlying fear behind the “automatic” behavior of people-pleasing, you can face your fear objectively and be closer to attaining personal freedom.

It means you are observant and sensitive:
If you are a people-pleaser you are probably alert to non-verbal clues, shifts in tone and voice. You probably listen for the meaning behind the words of the person you are speaking with. You may not even be aware of these skills, but you most likely own them and use them daily. This is a good thing as long as you can engage in objective observation and not projection.

You know how to work it:
A really skilled people-pleaser can fit in almost anywhere. I’m a very WASPY middle aged mom who has successfully people-pleased her way through a biker party without engaging in any activity that would make me ashamed. This was actually a REAL Harley Riding Biker Party not a wannabe biker party. Tough guys and even tougher women! I was the only one there wearing pink! Now, tell me people-pleasing is not a valuable skill. (And don’t ask me how I got there. It’s a long story.)

I do have to add here that the biker lifestyle; the camaraderie, freedom, and nomadic adventurer thing – is intriguing. It would be cool to have another lifetime just to explore living like that. But, NOPE, I’m a WASPY middle aged mom – can’t go there.

There you have it: The three blessings of being a people-pleaser. And the bonus of some unwanted insight into my closet biker wannabe personality. Please keep in mind that these are merely my opinions based on personal observation. I have no research to back up my claims and I’m not a psychologist. I’m just a mom who likes to hear herself write.