Hear My Plea: Art is Non-negotiable

When it comes to your life, your family, and your art, what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable?

Many things in our lives are non-negotiable. They are the bottom line things such as a roof over our heads, sunlight, bread, water, our children, sleep, and food.

But, there are also many things in our lives that have become non-negotiable because we are used to them, we don’t question them, and we don’t evaluate and define our priorities. In the realm of motherhood these are usually things we think we have to do to be a “good” mom: carpools, making our own baby food, having a kitchen floor that you could eat off of, etc. The non-negotiable will be different for each of us. But, there are things basic to our survival that will be on all of our lists. Abraham Maslow developed the Hierarchy of Needs in the form of a pyramid placing survival and physiological needs at the base and esteem and actualization at the top.

You can view the source of this information and see a picture of the pyramid on Wikipedia.

I agree with Maslow’s theory. I don’t pretend to understand the intricacies of it or the research behind it, but it makes sense. And most sensible people will make the assumption that artistic expression and creative fulfillment should be placed at the top of the pyramid in the realms of esteem or actualization.

However, for the sake of art, I am going to make the outrageous argument that we give ourselves permission to move our creativity as close to the base of the pyramid as possible.

When I am not creating, I feel it in my body. The same way you can physically feel the loss of love during a painful break up. For an artist the need to create and share her art is a physiological need. She must create and express herself in order to feel fully alive. When I am not creating, expressing, or challenging my skills and craft as a writer, actress, or director, I feel physically numb. I call this living in the “Drone Zone”. Now, I can get used to this numbness and live in the “Drone Zone”. At some low points in my life, I’ve done that successfully for several years, but that isn’t living. It is barely surviving.

Consider Joan’s monologue in Act VI of George Bernard Shaw’s Saint Joan. She is speaking to her judges who have given her the choice between signing a confession and living in their dungeons for the rest of her life or being burned at the stake. She says:

Light your fire …
You think that life is nothing but not being stone dead. It is not the bread and water I fear: I can live on bread: when have I asked for more? It is no hardship to drink water if the water be clean. Bread has no sorrow for me, and water no affliction. But to shut me from the light of the sky and the sight of the fields and flowers; to chain my feet so that I can never again ride with the soldiers nor climb the hills; to make me breathe foul damp darkness, and keep from me everything that brings me back to the love of God when your wickedness and foolishness tempt me to hate Him: all this is worse than the furnace in the Bible that was heated seven times. I could do without my warhorse; I could drag about in a skirt, I could let the banners and the trumpets and the knights and soldiers pass me and leave me behind as they leave the other women, if only I could still hear the wind in the trees, the larks in the sunshine, the young lambs crying through the healthy frost, and the blessed, blessed church bells that send my angel voices floating to me on the wind. But without these things I cannot live; and by your wanting to take them away from me, or from any human creature, I know that your counsel is of the devil and that mine is of God.

I love that monologue. It gives me goose bumps.

So, let’s say, our artistic inspiration and creative expression are to us what the “wind in the trees” and the “blessed, blessed church bells” are to Joan. Without them, we are not alive. So often I hear people say they are afraid to take a dance class or claim space in the house to set up their easel and paints because they don’t want to short change their children or take time away from their families. Of course we don’t want to short change our children. But let’s consider this, how fun is it to live with a mommy who is in the “Drone Zone”?

When a Creative Mama is not creating for the sake of being a “good” mom, she is not expressing her gifts or sharing our best self with those she loves. Consider the legacy of raising a daughter who has a kitchen floor clean enough to eat off of or raising a daughter who gives herself permission to express herself with color, music, or poetry. We teach by example. Our children soak us up like sponges every day. Living in the “Drone Zone” is a poor example to give them. It is short changing our children.

Here is what I am suggesting. Build your own pyramid and put your creativity as close to the bottom as possible. While you’re at it teach your daughters to build their own pyramids. You will have to make choices, re-evaluate your priorities, and probably negotiate for some help, but it is worth it. Make your art non-negotiable.

Filed under: Inspiration, On Being Mom

Cravings and Transformation

Lately I have been craving writing time. Of course, writing time isn’t something that shows up at my door, knocks and invites itself in for tea. Phooey! If only it were that easy. I need to go in my room and shut my door and write. Why is that so hard sometimes?

My social life has been getting in the way. Well, maybe that’s not true. I have been letting my social life get in the way. I’ve been visiting and partying and dating and hosting and having all sorts of fun lately. That’s not me. A social life has never been a priority for me. Yep, I’m pretty much a loner. Hence the mind that makes up stories constantly to keep itself entertained.

My daughter was grounded all weekend so that has something to do with it too. She wasn’t outside playing with the kids next door. She was at home asking me to entertain her. We had a blast yesterday. We hula-hooped and jumped rope and ran around the block with the dog and I watched her ride her bike up and down the driveway. It was a fun day. Kind of loses the point of being grounded. But I felt like the penalty was a bit harsh so a little play time on Sunday was called for.

I am also experiencing a strong desire to learn to cook. I mean really learn to cook. Toss things together and let them sizzle. Last night. I made mashed potatoes and sauteed asparagus. We had chicken and salad too. Yummy. I never really cook. I defrost things and then warm them up. It was fun last night. And we all sat down around the table and ate together. Bizarre!!!! That stuff never happens at my house. What is going on!?!

Something is shifting. There is a lifestyle transformation on the horizon. I can feel the pressure building. I wonder what will happen.

Filed under: Inspiration, X Y Z

A Vacation and a Day in the Book Store

Sometimes vacation seems like vacation and sometimes vacation seems like work. This past week was a little bit of both. I went to New York and New Jersey. In Jersey my daughter celebrated her 7th birthday with my great aunt who celebrated her 86th birthday. The two of them have celebrated their birthdays together for the last 4 years. And even though it is only a 4 year old tradition, it feels like a very rich tradition to me. I cherish my great aunt and I cherish my daughter and it means a lot to me to see the two of them share something special together and to get to know each other. Emma and I also took a couple of long walks one in the woods and another past a farm where we were stalked by a wild turkey. Turkeys are big big birds and this was a very intimidating turkey. He puffed himself up and paced us as we walked past him first one way then the other. Emma wanted to run the second time we had to pass him and I wouldn’t let her because I was sure that was exactly the excuse that turkey was looking for to attack and have us for lunch. I need to do some serious reconsideration on that Thanksgiving day menu.

In NYC, my daughter visited with her father for 3 days while I visited with my friends. All went well. It was good to spend time with the people who know my story and to catch up on the story of their lives’. The visits were brief, but valuable and dear to my heart.

The traveling bit – back and forth to the airports, on and off the planes-trains-buses, in and out of the cars – that’s the part that feels like work. All went smoothly and was timed perfectly, but it still feels like work to travel. I’m sure it felt even more like work to my cousin who drove us in and out of the city especially since my daughter threw up in the back of her van on the way back to New Jersey. My poor kid! My poor cousin! But, being a fearless woman, she let us back in her van a day later and drove us back into the city to catch our plane home. She has two boys and told me not to worry about it because the van has been thrown up in before and will most likely be thrown up in again. Did I mention that my cousin is fearless? She’s fearless.

So what does all this have to do with creativity and artistic development? Most valuable are the ties to family and friends – spending time with people who knew who I was before I became the me I am now. Spending time with women who are doing their work and contributing to the world we live in by engaging their talents. My great aunt’s attitude on life is always refreshing. She hasn’t and doesn’t have an easy life by any comparison – yet, she loves her days. She loves her memories and her friends and her family and her neighbors and the birds and the sunshine and movies. Man, does she love movies! She has never stopped being curious about life, love, or health. She is always curious to hear other people’s stories about why we are here, what we are meant to be doing, and what role we as humans play in the big game of existence. She never wavers in her goal to enjoy as much as she can every day. She is my inspiration.

Other things – I spent lots of time in bookstores and coffee shops reading and writing and watching. I love people watching and listening to blurbs of conversations going on around me. I was going to be an ambitious tourist and catch a matinee on my way back from visiting the MOMA – but I didn’t do any of that. I read, wrote and reflected. That was the nourishment I needed. I even blew off an entire day in the bookstore. Ahhhh – sheer luxury! So now I am home still cherishing that day in the bookstore spent all alone surrounded by people, browsing section after section after section drinking bitter coffee and touching books, opening books, piling books in my arms and roaming around to find my little space on the floor to read and read and read. A whole day! My day! It was exactly the vacation I have been craving.

Filed under: Inspiration

Every Once in Awhile You Find Someone Beautiful

It is such a surprising and uplifting moment to discover by accident someone beautiful. I found her this morning on my daily web-crawl. I was going through the usual round looking for writing resources, marketing resources, and ultimately distraction from staring headlong into the dull day of sitting behind my desk and pretending to be a “good” employee.

Then she took my breath away.

Why is she beautiful? Because she is passionate about writing and inspiring others who love writing to write. She is a poet, a reader, a writer and a teacher and she swirls all of this together with such simplicity and honesty. I spent a long time pouring through her website soaking up as much as I could. If you are a writer wrestling with daily life, hard pressed to find time for playing with pen and paper, it is my earnest recommendation that you visit Heather Sellers’ website immediately!

http://www.heathersellers.com/main.htm

I do not know her. I do not have any affiliate relationship or kickback arrangement with her. She doesn’t know I am writing this. I simply found someone beautiful this morning and was compelled to share.

Filed under: Inspiration